1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,518 ♪ Struggle in da house ♪ 2 00:00:03,601 --> 00:00:06,754 ♪ Using words and rhymes to get through hard times ♪ 3 00:00:07,004 --> 00:00:08,722 ♪ Yeah Come on ♪ 4 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:15,401 ♪ I came from the streets with nothing in my pockets ♪ 5 00:00:15,484 --> 00:00:18,047 ♪ No food, no boots, no power in the sockets ♪ 6 00:00:18,075 --> 00:00:20,779 ♪ Each battle I fight a role model and a teacher ♪ 7 00:00:20,779 --> 00:00:24,114 ♪ Hip-hop my church Every rapper a preacher ♪ 8 00:00:25,045 --> 00:00:27,702 ♪ I preach from my ass, my fart is my sermount ♪ 9 00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:30,380 ♪ The church is your mouth, where I shout my Holy sperm in ♪ 10 00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,880 ♪ You can take your role models, roll 'em up my meat ♪ 11 00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,501 ♪ Bitches always on the menu when I go out to eat ♪ 12 00:00:43,363 --> 00:00:46,120 ♪ But everywhere we go, we don't forget the struggles, son ♪ 13 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,848 ♪ Black woman, two jobs, two kids, too tired to juggle them ♪ 14 00:00:49,126 --> 00:00:51,622 ♪ Juggle 'em, juggle 'em, jiggity, jiggity juggle 'em ♪ 15 00:00:51,678 --> 00:00:54,171 ♪ Yum, yum, yummy, Titty titties in my tummy, yum ♪ 16 00:00:59,782 --> 00:01:02,222 ♪ Titties in my mouth, I got titties in my mouth ♪ 17 00:01:02,278 --> 00:01:04,976 ♪ I got tig ol' bitties from a bunch of different cities ♪ 18 00:01:05,115 --> 00:01:06,236 ♪ I got... ♪ 19 00:01:39,785 --> 00:01:42,869 "Titties in my mouth. I've got titties in my mouth. 20 00:01:44,341 --> 00:01:46,502 "I've got tig ol' bitties From a bunch of different cities." 21 00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:48,002 - Thank you. - All right, that's enough. 22 00:01:48,030 --> 00:01:49,382 That's sheer poetry. Sheer poetry. 23 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:50,704 - What's up guys? - Hey, you guys. 24 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,288 - I'm Jordan Peele. - I'm Keegan-Michael Key. 25 00:01:52,288 --> 00:01:54,288 - This is Key and Peele. - Thank you. 26 00:01:59,622 --> 00:02:03,378 So, we are fans of action... What's you favorite action... 27 00:02:03,461 --> 00:02:05,996 - Who's your favorite action star? - My favorite action star is Tony Jaa. 28 00:02:06,024 --> 00:02:08,024 - Tony Jaa. - Yes. Yes. Yes. 29 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,080 - You know this guy? - He's from Thailand, 30 00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:12,698 and he's a dynamo, he's a firecracker. He's always like, "Yaa!" 31 00:02:13,615 --> 00:02:16,803 I love all the Asian and black people were, like, "Yeah, Tony Jaa." 32 00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:20,276 I like that you're bringing that muay Thai out. 33 00:02:20,304 --> 00:02:21,748 Oh, muay Thai, that's what he uses. 34 00:02:21,776 --> 00:02:23,776 - That's my jam right there. - Do you like muay Thai? 35 00:02:23,832 --> 00:02:25,478 - Do you like muay Thai? - Bip. Bip. Bip. Bip. 36 00:02:25,589 --> 00:02:27,303 - No, I've been learning? - You're learning? 37 00:02:27,303 --> 00:02:29,000 I've been practicing some of my techniques. 38 00:02:29,028 --> 00:02:31,958 Oh, have you been studying muay Thai from a muay Thai master? 39 00:02:35,791 --> 00:02:37,791 You've been studying muay Thai from a muay Thai master? 40 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,854 On TV, yes. On TV. They're on television. 41 00:02:40,854 --> 00:02:42,388 You can study them yourself. 42 00:02:43,061 --> 00:02:44,388 MMA. 43 00:02:46,471 --> 00:02:48,246 Are you studying... What is this? 44 00:02:48,415 --> 00:02:50,272 - Sorry? - Is that muay Thai chi? 45 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:51,906 I mean, right there? What is...? 46 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,270 But this is... this is good martial arts 47 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,479 if you're in the slo-mo section of the film. 48 00:02:58,391 --> 00:03:01,560 Mmm-taka-taka-taka-taka. Tang-taka-taka-taka-taka. 49 00:03:01,643 --> 00:03:04,587 Taka-taka-taka-taka taka-taka-taka-taka. 50 00:03:04,948 --> 00:03:07,007 I've still got him, I don't know what happened there. 51 00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,813 Okay, watch this, everybody. 52 00:03:43,145 --> 00:03:45,087 I was wondering when I would come in here 53 00:03:45,115 --> 00:03:47,032 to find you sitting in that chair. 54 00:03:49,782 --> 00:03:51,615 It wasn't easy tracking you down, Decker. 55 00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:54,804 Wasn't supposed to be. 56 00:03:56,193 --> 00:03:58,330 I know you've retired, but... 57 00:03:58,386 --> 00:04:00,718 That's all behind me now, General. 58 00:04:02,968 --> 00:04:05,921 I'm not the man you knew during the Cold War. 59 00:04:05,977 --> 00:04:07,593 I understand. 60 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,138 We're now facing a threat unlike any we've ever faced before. 61 00:04:12,249 --> 00:04:15,122 - A man with your expertise... - I made a vow. 62 00:04:17,317 --> 00:04:19,703 Never to kill another human being. 63 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,196 Sorry, General, 64 00:04:25,446 --> 00:04:27,503 gotta have to find someone else. 65 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,244 Oh... 66 00:04:30,883 --> 00:04:34,252 No, we hmm... we weren't thinking you'd do it. 67 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,891 We were... just hoping 68 00:04:37,002 --> 00:04:38,809 you cold recommend someone for the job. 69 00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:43,279 I guess I could come out of retirement. 70 00:04:43,776 --> 00:04:47,627 No. No need. Just a recommendation will do. 71 00:04:47,710 --> 00:04:49,381 All right. 72 00:04:49,851 --> 00:04:51,075 I'll do it. 73 00:04:51,186 --> 00:04:53,186 You know, you're just not what we're looking for. 74 00:04:53,297 --> 00:04:55,549 You sly son of a bitch. 75 00:04:56,299 --> 00:04:59,128 You always knew how to push my buttons. 76 00:05:00,295 --> 00:05:03,838 - I'm in. - Not you, Decker! 77 00:05:03,894 --> 00:05:05,312 I'm sharp as I ever was. 78 00:05:06,644 --> 00:05:09,264 Even faster too. Grab my hand. 79 00:05:09,819 --> 00:05:10,702 Nope. 80 00:05:12,952 --> 00:05:14,648 Wait till I count to three first. 81 00:05:15,772 --> 00:05:16,677 One. 82 00:05:16,927 --> 00:05:17,835 Two. 83 00:05:17,891 --> 00:05:18,961 Three. 84 00:05:19,795 --> 00:05:20,876 Okay. 85 00:05:21,349 --> 00:05:23,071 I want you to try and slap me in the face. 86 00:05:23,268 --> 00:05:25,071 Unh! Wasn't ready for that. 87 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,333 Try again. 88 00:05:28,666 --> 00:05:32,123 - Unh! 'kay, you know what? - You know what? 89 00:05:32,262 --> 00:05:33,602 Didn't have my adrenaline up. 90 00:05:33,685 --> 00:05:36,263 'cause this is not an actual high-stakes situation. 91 00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:37,682 All right. 92 00:05:39,189 --> 00:05:40,682 Draw your weapon. 93 00:05:41,376 --> 00:05:43,263 And... disarmed. 94 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:51,399 You're getting pretty quick. And... disarmed. Okay. 95 00:05:52,066 --> 00:05:53,812 I don't need to take your weapon. 96 00:05:56,118 --> 00:05:58,924 You know what? Shoot me. 97 00:05:59,063 --> 00:06:00,899 I am not going to shoot you. 98 00:06:01,313 --> 00:06:03,888 - Wing me in the shoulder. - This is ridiculous! 99 00:06:04,082 --> 00:06:06,791 Try, General, see what happens. 100 00:06:09,763 --> 00:06:10,842 Deflected... Ooww! 101 00:06:13,009 --> 00:06:15,997 - Okay. I made a mistake coming here. - Wing me in the other shoulder. 102 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,386 - I'd rather not. - I insist. 103 00:06:18,969 --> 00:06:20,969 Deflected... Aaahh! 104 00:06:22,664 --> 00:06:24,664 That was because my other arm was already injured. 105 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:28,056 - Okay. I'm leaving. - All right. 106 00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:30,759 - All or nothing. Gut shot. - No! 107 00:06:30,787 --> 00:06:32,309 Gut shot! Come on! 108 00:06:32,364 --> 00:06:34,589 If you can shoot me in the gut, I'll concede. 109 00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:37,201 - Decker, you have two wounded arms. - Gut shot! Go! 110 00:06:38,422 --> 00:06:39,160 Got it. 111 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:44,001 You... you caught the bullet? 112 00:06:45,398 --> 00:06:46,917 Oh, yeah. 113 00:06:47,111 --> 00:06:48,567 So, you're telling me that the bullet 114 00:06:48,623 --> 00:06:51,472 is in-between your hands right now? 115 00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:53,861 That's what I'm telling you... 116 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:01,802 Is that all you got? 117 00:07:02,525 --> 00:07:04,884 Come on. Head shot. 118 00:07:07,278 --> 00:07:08,968 Head shot. Let's go. 119 00:07:09,523 --> 00:07:12,100 I'm ready. I wasn't... Wait one sec. though. 120 00:07:17,468 --> 00:07:20,382 Okay, I just want people to be straight with us and just admit... 121 00:07:20,438 --> 00:07:24,187 Who here has tormented a substitute teacher? 122 00:07:26,408 --> 00:07:27,450 I don't understand why. 123 00:07:27,478 --> 00:07:30,210 I don't believe the people who are raising their hands, by the way. 124 00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:32,266 - Right. - They seem way too polite. 125 00:07:32,322 --> 00:07:35,333 I don't understand why. But why? I've never understood why. 126 00:07:35,361 --> 00:07:38,006 I always tried to be polite to the substitute teacher. 127 00:07:38,006 --> 00:07:40,663 Everybody had that kid in school that was, like, 128 00:07:41,302 --> 00:07:43,274 - a real... - a real rapscallion. 129 00:07:43,385 --> 00:07:46,726 - A rapscallion. A scallywag. - Yeah. A jackanape. 130 00:07:46,754 --> 00:07:48,162 - Yeah. - Mm-hm. 131 00:07:48,162 --> 00:07:50,634 I was the kid that was just doodling in the corner. 132 00:07:50,745 --> 00:07:52,523 "What's up?" You know, that was me. 133 00:07:53,162 --> 00:07:54,606 But I had... I know you had one. 134 00:07:54,606 --> 00:07:57,106 I had this kid who, if a substitute teacher came, 135 00:07:57,162 --> 00:07:59,162 my man would be surfing on the desk. 136 00:07:59,495 --> 00:08:01,326 No joke. My man would get up, talking about... 137 00:08:03,938 --> 00:08:05,632 Looking him in the eye. 138 00:08:05,743 --> 00:08:07,743 Joey. Get off... Joey. 139 00:08:08,937 --> 00:08:11,769 Joey, get off the desk. Joey. 140 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,938 Joey, get off the desk. 141 00:08:14,188 --> 00:08:16,442 I'm telling you now to get off the desk, Joey. 142 00:08:16,609 --> 00:08:19,524 Get off. Unbelievable. Don't do that. Don't do that. 143 00:08:19,607 --> 00:08:21,297 - Probably in jail now. Right. 144 00:08:23,392 --> 00:08:25,392 All right, listen up, y'all. 145 00:08:25,531 --> 00:08:27,920 I'm y'all's substitute teacher, Mr. Garvey. 146 00:08:28,670 --> 00:08:31,392 I taught school for 20 years in the inner city, 147 00:08:32,198 --> 00:08:34,059 so don't even think about messing with me. 148 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,854 - Y'all feel me? - Mm-hmm. 149 00:08:36,937 --> 00:08:38,937 Okay. Let's take roll here. 150 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,690 Jay Quellin. 151 00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:45,584 Where's Jay Quellin at? 152 00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:47,801 No Jay Quellin here? 153 00:08:49,986 --> 00:08:50,626 Yeah. 154 00:08:50,904 --> 00:08:53,347 Uh, do you mean "Jacqueline"? 155 00:08:53,653 --> 00:08:55,905 Okay. So that's how it's gonna be. 156 00:08:56,183 --> 00:08:58,802 Y'all wanna play. Okay, then. 157 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,940 I got my eyes on you, Jay Quellin. 158 00:09:05,819 --> 00:09:07,079 Balakay. 159 00:09:08,385 --> 00:09:09,934 Where is Balakay at? 160 00:09:11,573 --> 00:09:13,291 There's no Balakay here today? 161 00:09:15,152 --> 00:09:17,702 - Yes, sir. - My name is Blake. 162 00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:21,076 Bl... Are you out of your goddamn mind? 163 00:09:22,007 --> 00:09:24,062 "Blake"! What? 164 00:09:24,451 --> 00:09:26,561 - Do you wanna go to war, Balakey? - No. 165 00:09:26,589 --> 00:09:28,334 - 'cause we could go to war. - No. 166 00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:30,925 I'm for real. I'm for real. 167 00:09:31,842 --> 00:09:33,675 So you better check yourself. 168 00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,425 Dee-nice. 169 00:09:39,091 --> 00:09:40,612 Is there a Dee-Nice? 170 00:09:42,806 --> 00:09:46,278 If one of y'all says some silly-ass name... 171 00:09:47,556 --> 00:09:50,427 This whole class is gonna feel my wrath. 172 00:09:51,316 --> 00:09:54,002 - Now, Dee-Nice. - Do you mean "Denise"? 173 00:09:57,371 --> 00:09:59,844 - You say your name right, right now. - Denise? 174 00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:01,152 - You say it right. - Denise. 175 00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:01,989 - Correctly. - Denise. 176 00:10:02,016 --> 00:10:02,669 - Right. - Denise. 177 00:10:02,710 --> 00:10:04,293 - Right. - Dee-Nice? 178 00:10:04,321 --> 00:10:05,786 That's better. Thank you. 179 00:10:06,008 --> 00:10:08,816 Now, A.A. Ron. 180 00:10:09,774 --> 00:10:11,153 Where are you? 181 00:10:11,467 --> 00:10:13,351 Where is A.A. Ron right now? 182 00:10:14,619 --> 00:10:15,866 No A. A. Ron, huh? 183 00:10:16,755 --> 00:10:20,194 Well, you better be sick, dead or mute, 184 00:10:20,391 --> 00:10:23,140 - A.A. Ron. - Here! Oh, man. 185 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,805 Why didn't you answer me the first time I said it, huh? 186 00:10:27,049 --> 00:10:27,488 Huh? 187 00:10:27,616 --> 00:10:29,802 You know, I'm just asking you. I said it, like, four times. 188 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:33,755 So, why didn't you say it the first time I said, "A.A. Ron"? 189 00:10:36,466 --> 00:10:37,972 Because it's pronounced "Aaron". 190 00:10:38,007 --> 00:10:39,891 Son of a bitch! 191 00:10:41,787 --> 00:10:43,576 You done messed up, A.A. Ron! 192 00:10:43,704 --> 00:10:46,292 Now take your ass on down to Oh-Shag-Henessy's office, 193 00:10:46,443 --> 00:10:48,608 right now, and tell him exactly what you did! 194 00:10:49,946 --> 00:10:52,160 - Who? - Oh-Shag-Henessy! 195 00:10:53,684 --> 00:10:54,880 Principal O'Shaughnessy? 196 00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:58,952 Get out of my goddamn classroom before I break my foot off in your ass! 197 00:10:59,103 --> 00:11:00,215 Insubordinate... 198 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:02,401 and churlish. 199 00:11:07,954 --> 00:11:08,871 Tym-Oh-Thee. 200 00:11:09,906 --> 00:11:12,094 - Present. - Thank you. 201 00:11:13,979 --> 00:11:15,275 To the man of the hour. 202 00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:19,455 Guys... Best bachelor party ever! 203 00:11:21,254 --> 00:11:23,448 - Mm! - Mm! Oh, yeah! 204 00:11:23,522 --> 00:11:25,056 - Whoo! - Yeah! That's the stuff. 205 00:11:25,081 --> 00:11:27,795 - I can still do it. - All right, fellas! 206 00:11:28,662 --> 00:11:32,607 What do you say... we get a stripper? 207 00:11:32,908 --> 00:11:34,353 - Yeah! - All right! 208 00:11:35,852 --> 00:11:38,143 Trey, I told you man, no strippers. 209 00:11:38,217 --> 00:11:39,734 Aw, is this a bachelor party or isn't it? 210 00:11:39,808 --> 00:11:41,098 - Yeah! - That's right! 211 00:11:41,141 --> 00:11:43,909 I'm your best man, there's no way I'm gonna let you puss out 212 00:11:43,983 --> 00:11:45,436 on your own bachelor party. 213 00:11:45,485 --> 00:11:49,074 We're getting the strippers and we're gonna connect the dots. 214 00:11:49,149 --> 00:11:51,872 - Yes! - Connect the dots? What? 215 00:11:51,914 --> 00:11:54,856 Yeah... Tinkertoy it, man. 216 00:11:54,902 --> 00:11:56,418 We're all behind her 217 00:11:56,577 --> 00:12:00,421 and then we all, bup-bup-bup-bup. We go to town! 218 00:12:00,523 --> 00:12:02,638 - Yeah! - We go to town! 219 00:12:02,715 --> 00:12:05,734 Wait, wait, wait, hold on. What's "bup-bup-bup-bup"? 220 00:12:05,865 --> 00:12:08,721 Dude. You know. You're upfront, then 221 00:12:09,221 --> 00:12:11,677 bup-bup-bup-bup! Game on! 222 00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,482 No. Hold up, hold up, hold up. No. 223 00:12:15,982 --> 00:12:19,067 - What's the "bup-bup-bup-bup"? - Yeah, yeah, what is that? 224 00:12:19,169 --> 00:12:20,315 Guys! 225 00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:24,700 This is Tommy's last night of freedom! 226 00:12:24,802 --> 00:12:27,462 - Come on! - What's "bup-bup-bup-bup", though? 227 00:12:29,013 --> 00:12:31,746 You know... Bup-bup-bup-bup. 228 00:12:32,104 --> 00:12:34,613 Okay, okay, okay, when you say "bup-bup-bup-bup", 229 00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:37,332 - are we... what are we... are we all... - Linked up! 230 00:12:37,427 --> 00:12:41,120 Yeah! Baby elephant walk. Whoo! 231 00:12:41,308 --> 00:12:43,393 Okay, okay, okay, um... 232 00:12:44,035 --> 00:12:45,737 Are you saying 233 00:12:45,925 --> 00:12:48,680 that we would all be [bleep]ing each other? 234 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,398 You don't understand what I'm sayi... 235 00:12:51,614 --> 00:12:54,685 Oh, dude! Okay. Look. Here it is, okay? 236 00:12:54,929 --> 00:12:57,527 - You're [bleep]ing the girl, right? - Right. 237 00:12:57,629 --> 00:12:58,290 Yeah. 238 00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:01,331 Then, we bup-bup-bup-bup! 239 00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:02,628 That's it! Right there! Right there! 240 00:13:02,674 --> 00:13:04,155 Yeah, what the [bleep]? I'm not doing that. 241 00:13:04,229 --> 00:13:05,277 You guys! 242 00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:08,558 Tommy's about to walk the plank of marriage, all right? 243 00:13:08,575 --> 00:13:09,701 This is our last chance. 244 00:13:09,718 --> 00:13:11,603 Last chance for what? I'm not gonna [bleep] a guy. 245 00:13:11,677 --> 00:13:15,615 No! Dude, we'd all be [bleep]ing the girl. 246 00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,748 - Oh, okay! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 247 00:13:18,901 --> 00:13:20,407 Together, bup-bup-bup,bup. 248 00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:21,553 - No! - No! 249 00:13:21,712 --> 00:13:24,478 See, but right there, Trey. That's the weird part! 250 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,538 - The "bup-bup-bup-bup". - Okay, I get it. I get it. 251 00:13:28,038 --> 00:13:30,437 You don't want to be disrespectful to women. I get that. 252 00:13:30,511 --> 00:13:32,603 - That's not really the issue. - Okay, forget the girl. 253 00:13:32,705 --> 00:13:35,809 Armenian conveyer belt: just the groom and his groomsmen, bup-bup-bup-bup. 254 00:13:35,826 --> 00:13:37,048 - No! - No! 255 00:13:37,122 --> 00:13:40,864 You kept the part that noboby wants! The bup-bup-bup-bup! 256 00:13:40,938 --> 00:13:43,313 Yeah, I definitely don't want to have sex with any of you guys! 257 00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:46,628 - Yeah, you're killing my buzz. - Guys! What the [bleep], man! 258 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:50,370 This is supposed to be Tommy's last big celebration. No judgment. 259 00:13:50,387 --> 00:13:54,149 Judgment is not what is keeping us from [bleep]ing each other! 260 00:13:54,532 --> 00:13:56,249 Jeez! Forget it, Trey! 261 00:13:56,323 --> 00:13:58,847 No! I'm saying, guys, if you listen to my words, 262 00:13:58,978 --> 00:14:02,171 Tommy's in here [bleep]ing the stripper. We're in the other room. 263 00:14:08,494 --> 00:14:09,687 - Bup-bup-bup-bup. - No! 264 00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:12,357 No "bup-bup-bup-bup"! Nobody wants the "bup-bup-bup-bup"! 265 00:14:12,431 --> 00:14:15,325 Well, that's all right.No bup-bup-bup- bup, okay? No bup-bup-bup-bup. 266 00:14:15,399 --> 00:14:18,401 You're here [bleep]ing the stripper, the rest of us are just 267 00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:20,167 - jiggy-jiggy-jiggy-jiggy... - No! 268 00:14:20,241 --> 00:14:21,060 - Aah! No! - No! 269 00:14:21,066 --> 00:14:23,380 Oh, my God! You guys are so gay! 270 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:32,588 How do you think you would fare if you went into the penal system? 271 00:14:32,796 --> 00:14:34,420 The penile system? 272 00:14:36,823 --> 00:14:38,613 I think if I went through the penile system, 273 00:14:38,630 --> 00:14:40,630 I think the penile system would go through me. 274 00:14:55,491 --> 00:14:58,820 Lewis Lawrence is beginning his life sentence. 275 00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:05,627 In order to survive, he must join a gang. 276 00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:09,205 (Lewis) Do you understand? I know how it work, right? 277 00:15:09,364 --> 00:15:11,876 When you're in prison, what you need is protection, right? 278 00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:14,180 And the way to do that is by getting into a gang. 279 00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:24,795 I was surprised to find out that there is a bald gang in prison. 280 00:15:24,795 --> 00:15:27,881 They're gonna be my homies. Talking about some B.B.W.W. 281 00:15:27,983 --> 00:15:29,983 "Bald brothers, what-what?" 282 00:15:33,238 --> 00:15:36,726 What's up, homie? Nice haircut. 283 00:15:39,129 --> 00:15:40,928 Get the [bleep] outta here. 284 00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:44,049 I mean they haven't officially asked me to be in the gang yet, 285 00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:46,095 'cause you need to earn they respect first. 286 00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:48,737 Hey! 287 00:15:50,288 --> 00:15:54,149 You're in the wrong neighborhood, you black mother[bleep]er. 288 00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:01,349 Aah! 289 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:05,320 Step off my homies, mother[bleep]er, or I'll [bleep] you up! 290 00:16:08,631 --> 00:16:10,631 What's up! What's up! You know what I'm talkin' about! 291 00:16:11,926 --> 00:16:14,780 Aah! Unh! Aah! 292 00:16:14,996 --> 00:16:17,592 So that was it right there, okay? That's what they call a "jump in." 293 00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:19,438 That's the initiation process. 294 00:16:19,497 --> 00:16:22,177 So, it's my understanding that I'm now a member 295 00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,568 of the Bald Brotherhood gang, okay? 296 00:16:25,794 --> 00:16:28,978 I mean, those mother[bleep]ers beat the [bleep] out of me. 297 00:16:29,163 --> 00:16:30,945 That's a euphemism you hear all the time. 298 00:16:31,319 --> 00:16:33,632 But you don't know if it's true, it can't be true. How is it possible? 299 00:16:33,722 --> 00:16:37,697 But that mother[bleep]er, bip! And diarrhea just went "Pssh"!, 300 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,286 right out my ass! 301 00:16:39,786 --> 00:16:43,273 So I hope... like, I hope that's, like, lifetime dues right there. 302 00:16:43,332 --> 00:16:44,714 What the...? 303 00:16:44,773 --> 00:16:47,151 It's the happiest day of my life is what I'm saying. 304 00:16:47,588 --> 00:16:49,509 Despite the lack of encouragement, 305 00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:53,552 Lewis continues to try and ingratiate himself to the gang. 306 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,579 What? This long-haired bitch? 307 00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:00,568 Yeah! That's what I'm talking about, hero! 308 00:17:00,599 --> 00:17:02,534 Trying to creep up on my bald brothers, bitch! 309 00:17:02,624 --> 00:17:04,624 I oughta kick you again. What? What? 310 00:17:05,219 --> 00:17:07,575 Aah! Oh! Aah! 311 00:17:09,492 --> 00:17:12,682 Hey, you all right, man? You all right? Come on, get up, get up. 312 00:17:12,804 --> 00:17:14,394 We got you, son. We got you, son. 313 00:17:14,484 --> 00:17:17,603 What? Man, get your hands off me, you hair-having mother[bleep]er! 314 00:17:17,635 --> 00:17:20,732 Aah! Aah! Man, get down there. Unh! Unh! 315 00:17:20,829 --> 00:17:23,370 - Aah! Aah! - Whoa! Unh! 316 00:17:28,383 --> 00:17:30,190 I mean, I think 317 00:17:30,190 --> 00:17:33,191 I accidentally got hit by some of my bald brothers. 318 00:17:33,912 --> 00:17:35,912 Guards! 319 00:17:36,885 --> 00:17:39,959 That's right! Bald brotherhood forever, man! 320 00:17:40,322 --> 00:17:41,402 'sup! 321 00:17:42,623 --> 00:17:43,966 But you know, that's prison, man. 322 00:17:44,025 --> 00:17:46,313 I mean, you don't never know what side it's coming from. 323 00:17:46,403 --> 00:17:49,658 Lewis has yet to make any alliances. 324 00:17:50,724 --> 00:17:54,142 Meanwhile, an unprecedented peace has been brokered 325 00:17:54,170 --> 00:17:56,872 between black and white prison gangs. 326 00:17:57,212 --> 00:17:59,850 The once unsurmountable racial divide 327 00:17:59,909 --> 00:18:02,350 now bridged by a mutual hatred... 328 00:18:03,817 --> 00:18:05,417 for Lewis. 329 00:18:18,136 --> 00:18:19,724 Dude! 330 00:18:20,737 --> 00:18:22,425 Hey, you going to Ray's party? 331 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:24,770 Yeah, I'm going. 332 00:18:24,983 --> 00:18:27,881 - You know Amy's gonna be there. - Yeah, I know. 333 00:18:28,027 --> 00:18:30,641 Things have been real good with her, man. Tonight could be the night. 334 00:18:31,141 --> 00:18:34,451 - Could be. - Dude, are you okay? 335 00:18:36,212 --> 00:18:37,397 Not really, dude. 336 00:18:37,897 --> 00:18:40,827 What's wrong? You get the hottest girl at a party with no parents. 337 00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:43,230 You're definitely gonna hit that for sure tonight, man. 338 00:18:43,352 --> 00:18:46,360 - You're gonna lose that V. for good. - My penis is white. 339 00:18:48,973 --> 00:18:52,994 - Excuse me? - I have a white penis. 340 00:18:53,116 --> 00:18:54,828 What? But you're black. 341 00:18:55,486 --> 00:18:57,871 Nuh-uh. I'm bi-racial. 342 00:18:58,529 --> 00:19:00,722 All the white went straight to my penis. 343 00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:03,979 That... what... what... you mean, like, the color? 344 00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:09,251 - Oh... - Yeah. 345 00:19:09,373 --> 00:19:11,525 But wait, dude... I mean... 346 00:19:12,309 --> 00:19:14,727 - how bad could it be? - It's bad. 347 00:19:14,848 --> 00:19:16,943 - How bad? - It's like a Snickers. 348 00:19:17,254 --> 00:19:20,663 - Regular or fun size? - Which one do you get at Halloween? 349 00:19:22,171 --> 00:19:24,015 - Fun size. - That's the one. 350 00:19:24,168 --> 00:19:26,005 - [bleep] - I know. 351 00:19:26,158 --> 00:19:28,158 What am I gonna do? I mean, I... 352 00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:32,767 How am I gonna hit it with Amy with my little white penis. 353 00:19:32,857 --> 00:19:36,072 Everyone's gonna find out and I'm never gonna hear the end of it. 354 00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:39,166 Dude, dude, dude. Amy's white. She's not gonna care. 355 00:19:40,197 --> 00:19:43,368 - Really? - Yeah. She's white. 356 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:45,435 - Yeah. - Yeah. 357 00:19:45,525 --> 00:19:49,199 I guess you're right. She's probably not even gonna know the difference. 358 00:19:49,258 --> 00:19:52,835 Nah, man. White girl, white penis. You're all good. 359 00:19:58,569 --> 00:20:01,158 Hey, there he is. How'd it go last night? 360 00:20:01,248 --> 00:20:03,513 - Don't wanna talk about it. - Well, what happened? 361 00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:05,155 Black vagina. 362 00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:14,023 Happy? 363 00:20:14,901 --> 00:20:17,436 I just gotta get this off... My girl, right here, 364 00:20:17,621 --> 00:20:20,580 Your mouth was agape after "black vagina". 365 00:20:20,639 --> 00:20:22,413 She was just like... 366 00:20:25,971 --> 00:20:29,771 It's just, like... I've only seen... In my whole life, I've only seen 367 00:20:29,861 --> 00:20:31,861 Macaulay Culkin do that. In my whole life. 368 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:34,555 Serious, she was, like, it was crazy. 369 00:20:36,032 --> 00:20:38,121 - All right, let's get outta here. - Let's get outta here. 370 00:20:38,148 --> 00:20:40,947 You and I go to the bar, couple of friends. And then, maybe... 371 00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:42,757 - Bup-bup. - Let's just bup-bup-bup-bup. 372 00:20:42,816 --> 00:20:43,542 Yeah. 373 00:20:43,635 --> 00:20:45,635 Good night, everybody. 374 00:20:58,335 --> 00:21:00,776 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 375 00:21:01,118 --> 00:21:02,734 Oh, yeah.